I have so much more respect for the wives whose husbands are on the front lines in Iraq and Afghanistan.

These men have sacrificed a lot. I never realized how scary it was to be a military wife and will never experience how scary it is to be an Army or Marine wife. Not that Butler hasn't sacrificed a lot in the Navy, but as I think about it, they don't put themselves into that much great danger as the Army and Marines do. 

I don't get how my mom dealt with my dad being gone for a year straight in Korea or Egypt. How she didn't dwell on the fact that he wasn't here and how she went on day by day not knowing if they would come to let her know her husband died. She did a great job of disguising that my dad was gone and I thank her for being both my mother and father at times. 

I feel scared and nervous with Butler being secure on a boat in the middle of the ocean away from danger so I can just imagine how she or anybody else whose significant other is on the front lines feels. This Libya Operation Odyssey Dawn has me shaken. I've cried for the past two nights. I know, really dumb. My head realizes it, but my heart isn't getting the picture. My heart tells me to cry my eyes out until he's home but my head is saying he's okay what the hell are you crying for!

I don't think I'll be completely sane until he is sitting here next to me and I can see that he's okay in person.  

My anxiousness is starting to get the best of my emotions. I can't wait to see him home! 

My deployment letter

Dear Deployment,

We are finally near a close. We've had our ups and downs, but I've grown to appreciate you and all that you have taught me. At first, I hated you and really didn't want anything to do with you but now I actually like you (but it's just a tad, so don't flatter yourself and keep appearing in my marriage.) You stole my husband, but we can call a truce since you'll be returning him soon. I thank you for teaching me what bills looked like and how to pay them, showing me that I really do need Butler as much as I rant and rave that I don't, and that I really need to go get birth control ASAP because my boys are ENOUGH right now especially because you're = the mistress that keeps coming back. In all honesty, you did more than I give you credit. Because of you, my bills are lower, less laundry, my grocery bill is twice as less than when Butler was home, I have the whole bed to myself and can sleep peacefully without the snoring! But, I'm really over you now and would really love if you gave my husband back.

Meaghan 

The End is approaching!

We are in the home stretch! 

It's finally time to start preparing from homecoming. It's like a mirage in the desert, we can see it but just can't touch it. 

 I'm a semi-perfectionist so everything has to be perfect, well on my end at least. No telling with the military how this will go.

I've been looking at homecoming banners, and I don't know what I want to pick. I'm still working on it.

Luckily, I'll get to stand under the "new daddy tent" since littlest Butler was born after deployment. 

Tomorrow I decided I am finally going to a FRG meeting. I decided I couldn't knock it until I try it, plus i want to know what I've been missing since Butler can only say so much and is somewhat clueless. I've had my doubt about the FRG and the negative connotation it has really swayed what I thought about it. I just thought that I wouldn't fit in with the wives because I'm not that wife. I'm very shy when i first meet people and especially when I go to places I have never been with people I've never met. Hopefully I enjoy my FRG meeting and become involved with what goes on with the ship. I'm a little nervous though and I usually amp myself more than needed. But this will go well tomorrow, I know it!

I'll keep you posted!  

Today was DJ & Kaleb's first day at daycare or home daycare. 

They loved it, I'm relieved!!

 I may actually complete all the things on my bucket list for the month!

Don't ask, Don't tell.

I'm watching What would you do? 

The scenario is what would you do if you seen an openly gay couple in uniform. 

This is the second time the DADT policy has been brought to my attention, I take it as a sign to blog about it. 

Personally, I wouldn't say anything.

I don't agree with the PDA that is outside of military guidelines, but just being affectionate and letting it be known is okay with me.

I support the gay & lesbian community.

As Americans, we live by freedom of expression, but we aren't free to express who we love? 

It doesn't make sense. 

The heart wants what the heart wants, this phrase has been ringing in my head all week.
In my opinion, you can't help who you love.

  I feel that nobody has the right to direct what  goes on in your personal life or your bedroom.

To me, I think the don't ask don't tell policy should be at a person's OWN discretion. If he or she wants to be open with their sexuality, its THEIR decision. They shouldn't be forced to not be themselves. 

They serve in the same military, they protect and serve the same way every other service members. The only difference is their sexual orientation. 

We are all human whether gay, straight, black, white, green or yellow :-)

Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one and I would love to hear yours! 

What would you do?

*This is MY opinion. I know it's very controversial, but please respect MY opinion.

Proud wife.

As you know, this is only Butler's second year in the Navy and our first deployment. Last week he was working very hard and studying to get his 1st pin for aviation (I think that's what he said), but to make a long story short,  he got the pin! Yay! I know I'm extra excited for no reason but just to hear something good come out of this deployment made my day and I am extremely proud of the progress he has made.

I feel like such a proud wife :)


Back in America.
I gotten one of my tasks on March bucket list  crossed off and I'll be starting working again tomorrow bright & early!!
Now hopefully I can finish everything else!

I'm not alone. REALLY.

I've been surfing around today reading other military wives blogs about deployment and I finally feel, I'm really not alone. For the past 5 months, I felt like I was the ONLY person going through the pain, sadness, loneliness and everything else that comes with deployment. I felt that nobody else (even the other thousands of spouses that have deployed loved ones) knew how I felt. I know there are other people, but there was NOBODY like me. Before I started to blog, I felt like I was the only spouse whose husband has never met his son or is missing the vital months of their babies growing up. I was the only one whose husband missed their b-day, wedding anniversary and birth of his child. But, after a long time searching for somebody like me I've found them. I'm thankful to have found a group of women who aren't afraid to express their true feelings about military life and  deployments, they have given a positive outlook and this very long awaited homecoming and given me strength to get through.

"Working Homecoming Date"

Those 3 words were the highlight of my Monday. We FINALLY have a working homecoming date to when they come back home! To me this means that there is an end coming soon! Be it March or April my husband in gonna be back SOON! Of course I have no idea when this date is because of  OPSEC I won't know until who knows when, BUT i have a very good feeling it's going to be March. Crossing fingers, thinking positive and speaking it into existence. It's been 5 months since I've seen Mr. B. I cannot WAIT to see him :-)